I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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