if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.