I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.