I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
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That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
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I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor