so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby