Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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