Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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