Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
