***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
