then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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