Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
