So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
