My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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