So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
