i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
