I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
