he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
