He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
