if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
