I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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