its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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