who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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