I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you would pick up someone in the library
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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