Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
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I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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