its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
