I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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