Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
