Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
