I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
