Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
