You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
