Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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