did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
