haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
