Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
