Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
