So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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