I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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