do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
