I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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