my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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