I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I puked a lego.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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