Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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