Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
