I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
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Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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