Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize