Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Is her dick bigger than yours?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
