It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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