I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
