Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
