I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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