Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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