i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
wow bdsm is so cute
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
