sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
