a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
