Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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