I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
