The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
