We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
