I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
