I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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