I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
