He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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